How to hard-wire your brain

I love the “Fish Philosophy” here is a snapshot from their blog to ponder…

Here are four simple strategies, including tips from The FISH! Philosophy, to add to your brain’s positive balance sheet:

  1. Savor the positive. It’s said that “neurons that fire together, wire together.” When you have a positive experience, hold on to it. Our brains take in positive impressions all day but they are often fleeting—a sunset, a smile. To ingrain that feeling into long-term memory, take 20 to 30 seconds to savor it. It’s easy to obsess for hours or days about conflicts and problems; to provide some balance, you have to consciously dwell on the day’s small but satisfying moments.
  2. Nurture relationships. Studies show healthy relationships need at least a 5-1 ratio of positive-to-negative interactions. Be There for your coworkers, loved ones and strangers. Find ways to Make Their Day. Share moments of laughter and Play. Acts of kindness, encouragement and support not only help others, Hanson says they help you stay in the relaxed state that’s necessary for good health.
  3. Build awareness. Pay attention to the situations that trigger your negative emotions. Don’t try to ignore the reaction. Be aware of it and own it. Once you have accepted it, examine it. Is the problem really as bad as you think? Are you considering all sides of the situation? Imagine a friend is experiencing the problem you’re going through. What would you say to help them deal with it most productively? Be There for yourself and take your own advice.
  4. Be intentional. Psychologists say about a third of our personal traits are inborn and two thirds are formed through experience. Even if you’ve been raised to see the world a certain way, Hanson says with practice you can retrain your brain to respond to life’s challenges in a way that is more resilient and “even-keeled.” You can Choose Your Attitude, in other words. Focus daily on who you want to “be”, and what you need to do to be that person. The FISH! Philosophy will help you make life better for everyone around you. That feels good. With a little effort you can plant that satisfaction permanently. Your neurons will thank you.

Art Therapy

I started 0eb89b6fdd404ec67cbe75ddfd6e3210looking at what this is and how it works, when I realised I already know the answer to these questions, for myself.

Being creative to me is a time when I do something I enjoy, I play with materials to create something. I don’t do it to deal with emotions I just do it, because I am fully focused in it while I am creating something. That to me is the key to how it is helpful in strengthening my inner self.

Making something with our hands is something that is apart of us, it began with creating things for need, then we began to decorate those things to enjoy them and make them distinctive to the person who made them. During these times, people worked together to make and share ideas and skills in a non competitive way, just for the joy of sharing.

I don’t create with others, however I feel this would be beneficial in the future. If the opportunity comes along I may join a group of creators.

I am strong enough to put my creations out there to sell, I do enjoy positive feedback, but there is the moment of realism when something doesn’t sell that I have to deal with. I have learnt that the creating is more important to me than the selling.

The colouring in craze is wonderful, lots of people are enjoying the therapy of art, their creations give them time to just create and not have to think about other things. Lots of people share what they have done and I applaud them on the time they have spent for themselves, just doing something they enjoy. Keep it up.

It doesn’t matter if you have never “done” art before, just grab some stuff make thing and make something, you will enjoy it, I promise….have fun creating.

How to Move On

Since I lost my job, through someone who refused to work with me, because I suffer from depression. I have felt very bitter. Mainly because it was my dream job, I was earning a lot of money, which meant I could travel and see my children and pay our huge mortgage without concern. A lot has happened, my Dad recently died, after a short illness, and I have a new job, which I love.

My bitterness towards this person is very deep. Since Dad passed I have started to realise that I have to forgive them for what they did. I am the one with the problem, because I am sure they do not give me a second thought. The humiliation they put me through has been really hard to come to terms with, facing people knowing she has said things about me, but not knowing what or to whom.

If I don’t forgive her then I am stopping myself from moving on and seeing life in a better light, an anger bubbles away inside me and I have to put it out or I will miss out on what I can achieve in life because my focus is on her and self pity.

A friend of mine said I need to look at what I have and be grateful, I realise now this is so true. I have three beautiful children, two beautiful step children, three amazing grandchildren a great husband, my family and friends and I have a job also that I am able to work. There are so many people out there with far less than me and who have lost more important things than a job.

So to the world out there I forgive you Mandy for what you did to me, and what you did no longer directs my emotions, it is behind me and forgotten.

A Quote I just read online

The more anger you hold from the past in your heart,

the less capable you are of loving the present

 

Misconceptions About Depression

A woman  asked me the other day if I could get her a medical certificate indicating when I was cured of my depression.

I was so taken aback that at first I did not know what to say. Really in this day and age, do some people really think that depression is something that you take a pill for and it will go away?

I found this site that highlights the 10 misconceptions about depression.

Myths

I watched a programme the other day and I women named her cancer, it wasn’t true story, but it got me thinking, my depression is a part of me should I name it, would that give it more control over me or me over it? I like the idea of naming, as by accepting it is a part of me can we learn to live together in a way that is not harmful to me and my mind and body?

Ummmm something to think about, anyway back to the article…. and how I see my depression after reading it…

My depression is like a roller coaster ride sometimes. The ride can be very erratic, or slow and smooth, sometimes with lots of up and downs that almost makes me sea sick. But the one thing I hold onto is that it keeps moving, which is a good thing.

Recognising and acknowledging my thoughts, has enabled me to have more control over the movement of my depression.  I will not say I control it, as I am not sure if you really can, but it is moving at a pace I feel okay with at the moment.

The sadness that creeps up on you is something that comes and goes, which I must be very weary of. This for me is the vehicle for my self hate, which is not an easy part of my depression to deal with.

It mentioned, men having depression. It must be really difficult for men with depression. They are taught to not show emotion and to be strong. No wonder there is such a high number of male suicide cases around the world. How do they ask for help? Woman are more able to ask their friends or go for help than men, it is scary to me to think about men going through some of the things I have been through and how they would deal with it, even having a good cry to them could make them feel even worse. JK is a great advocate for men, showing that anyone can suffer with depression, the site he advocates is well worth having a look at…http://www.depression.org.nz/depression

My depression is not a mental weakness, if anything it causes physical weakness, to the point of not even being able to get out of bed sometimes. The lack of energy and motivation is totally detrimental to my well being, hence a vicious circle is created. Always alert for this one.

Bought on by trauma, not always. It is harder to deal with in these circumstances. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my depression, never really came into, I never thought why me, as I am no different to anyone else so why not me really. The one thing that surprised me was not thinking I deserved it and sliding into a depressive state. It is funny thinking aback now, I have tried to take my life a number of times, yet when told I have cancer I never hesitated to fight it. This really shows me how my depression is always moving, sometimes it is in the distance and sometimes it engulfs me. After my treatment was finished it was there, but not while I was going through treatment. Even though I was alone and away from home when having the treatment. I should really celebrate how strong I really was at that time, never thought about it before really.

This brings me to my girlfriend, she I think is the only person that actually reads this blog and she said I should write on here all the good things in my life. Well now I have mentioned one above. I will try to add one with every entry on here from now on.

Signing off with the thought I was strong when I went through my cancer treatment, well done me.

Turned Upside Down

How could my life be so different from the last post. The person who treated me so unfairly has now decided to undermine me in my new job. They are very shrewd and did it verbally and when asked will not put it in writing. The damage is done and I am going to loss this amazing job, which I have waited fro all my life. So now she has not only undermined me in my profession locally but outside of our community.

I am devastated, humiliated and lost really. The one thing I can say though is I am stronger than before, I now know what my mind will do and how the negative thoughts will come along at high speed. I can’t say I do not get upset and even angry, but I do not want to take my life like how her destruction of me has caused before.

I am going to fight back, no one deserves to be destroyed like she has done to me for two years now, and think she can get away with it. She wrote a letter to my new boss saying she does not want to dwell in the past but wants to move onto the future, it does not matter to her I now have no future, well at least in the career I have always wanted.

So we come back to who are these people who feel they have the right to destroy others with their actions or words? They say fly away comments and say things to undermine you and then just go about their day, not realising the hurt they have caused. Nor how that person is going to beat themselves up for the next few hours or days and if they do have the strength to carry on will have lost a part of themselves, their self esteem or confidence.

What makes this all worse is no one stands up to them. A teacher does not allow this to happen in their classroom and talks about the effect of bullying on others, how yo may not see how it effects someone but deep down it does. Children are taught to stand up for others and not allow them to be bullied by others. Yet as adults we allow this behaviour to happen all the time and just sit back.

I have copied this tribute to Robin Williams, to see the full essay click the link below the exert.

Russell Brand’s eloquent tribute to Robin Williams

Tuesday, August 12th, 2014

It may surprise those of you who have never read a Russell Brand essay on the wrongness of austerity or the ills of contemporary society to realize the comedic man has depth and insight. And so I expected his tribute to Robin Williams to be equally brilliant. Here is the full essay.

I chose the excerpt below to capture Brand’s point about our very human fragility that gets bulldozed by our “man up” compassionless society.

What platitudes then can we fling along with the listless, insufficient wreaths at the stillness that was once so animated and wired, the silence where the laughter was? That fame and accolades are no defence against mental illness and addiction? That we live in a world that has become so negligent of human values that our brightest lights are extinguishing themselves? That we must be more vigilant, more aware, more grateful, more mindful? That we can’t tarnish this tiny slice of awareness that we share on this sphere amidst the infinite blackness with conflict and hate?

That we must reach inward and outward to the light that is inside all of us? That all around us people are suffering behind masks less interesting than the one Robin Williams wore? Do you have time to tune in to Fox News, to cement your angry views to calcify the certain misery?

What I might do is watch Mrs Doubtfire. Or Dead Poets Society or Good Will Hunting and I might be nice to people, mindful today how fragile we all are, how delicate we are, even when fizzing with divine madness that seems like it will never expire.

Food for thought, but will the bullies ever read this and relate it to themselves, I am not sure they will.

Thoughts

Well things have changed since I last wrote on the blog…I do have a new job. It just fell in my lap, my dream job. Did this happen because I was thinking more positively, had finally decided to move on from my career and change directions?? I am not sure, I do know that I am happier than I have been in a long time. Yes I have given up my career but this is a new career. Louise Hay is someone I love she tells you to let go of things in your life and say that they do not have any control over you, this is so true. Those people who you have been letting control your thoughts and actions, do have no power of you, but you must forgive them and let it go and believe they have no control over you. I created a diary of the exercises and quote from the book below, years ago, I had just started reading it again, when the new job came along. Coincidence??

I still have the “THOUGHTS”, however I am learning to see them for what they are, just thoughts. They are not who I am, I acknowledge them but do not let them take a hold of me or decide how I am or feel. Now I have been doing this for a while, they do have less impact on me, and they are not bombarding me like they were.  Do not get me wrong, I know they are still there and will appear when I am low. We must remember that it will always be there so be vigilant.

images

Does a Change of Job Help

This is something I am wondering about at the moment, with myself, because it was in the same industry, the answer is no. A lot contributed to that, one was a small town, same people at the top controlling others and me still.

The guy I talked about earlier had taken the opportunity to move to another job, but has the damage been done? As I found the anger, bitterness and feeling of being betrayed goes with you. When he is going has some fun, enthusiastic people, I feel they will let him thrive and celebrate, but is his emotional state going to let him?

Well I found out about “Cognitive Behaviourial Therapy”..umm it is about changing your thinking patterns. When you have been treated badly and undermined your thoughts become very negative and forever throwing thoughts at you that are not positive.

sane new worldI am presently reading Ruby Wax’s book ‘Sane New World’, she also on Facebook. She often posts on a Blog The Huffing Post here is a link to one of your entries.

The reason I am reading this books is I need to change my thinking and recognise when I am thinking thoughts, that are not good for me or I need to let go over. I am slowing realising that I no longer have to be the best and I can just enjoy life, I have proved myself, why I now have no idea, to the world that I can get to the top of the ladder and have a right to be there. More on this another day. It is Christmas Eve and I still need to do some shopping so bye for now.

 

….I lost my mind seven years ago

Tall Poppy Syndrome

I have done a little bit of research on this and am not sure if I agree that people who are affected and attacked are high achievers. I believe it is anyone who is enthusiastic and enjoys what they do that are targeted by those who either are not keeping up or want things to stay the way they are. Some people do not want anyone to be better than them, even though a lot of people who are on the the receiving end of this abuse are just enjoying what they do and what to share that. They are not rubbing people’s faces in it. But are so often seen as they are. So why should they say nothing, keep quiet about their successes? Should we not all celebrate together, we are all different and we all have different strengths. I have seen so many young teacher squash before they even get into the swing of teaching.

The stuff I have read blames the person that was to celebrate not the one who goes for their jugular. Ummm…maybe I am on my own in this thinking???

“We should be humble” ….. why should we that is what I say, does humble make people grow????? If you enjoy what you do and have done why not celebrate it?

Thoughts

I like the balloons on this theme, I kind of feel like I am floating and with a lot of balloons supporting me I can stay above the turmoil that is my life at the moment.

I do not know if I will every raise my head and be a tall poppy again, I wonder if it is really worth it. You become a target and you see the ugly side of people. It is shocking to witness and unbelievable to bear, but it is happening all the time to people.

How do we change this virus of jealousy and victimization that thrives in our society today.

I live in a small community where I know people are in positions they would not be in if in a city. I visualize them with these razor sharp claws and blood dripping from their mouths as thy take chucks out of people daily until their are broken and lifeless.

Seeing this happening to myself and others and what can you do. No one listens, in the end you doubt yourself and give up. I have given up so many times and cannot fight them any more, because of this we will lose all we have, so even then they have control of your life.

They don’t leave you alone once you are gone from their control, they poison your life by spreading their vicious lies and thoughts to others that they find out you have contact with, especially if you are trying to move on. Will Kama give you justice? Will they ever see the way they have crushed people and destroyed them, I used to think so, but not now.

Listening to a young guy with a lovely family and wife, who is amazing at his job, tell me about how he has given up and is going to leave a profession he was born for, breaks my heart. He is victimised daily for being so talented and giving his whole to his job. He is a broken man and they the (… ummm… I need to give them a name), ??? suck on his blood daily. He like me and I know many others is used for his knowledge, which they use for their own gains with no recognition, and like blood hounds they sniff around seeking titbits to ignite and hold to the masses as failures, to drive you deeper into despair.

Work place bullying, well that is a joke. In my town no lawyers will take on your case, they discourage you for doing so. I found the union in my profession, supportive but no way did they want to take it any further. Most of the time when you are going through this you have no fight left in you, they have sucked the life out of you so much you can’t even get up everyday let alone fight them. They ensure they have yes, people around them so you would be never get the truth heard any way. So what do you do, that is one of the questions I am asking myself at the moment.

Before I go I think about the anger that this daily torment provokes in you. The guy I have shared about he is so angry, it is changing him and making him bitter, which I suppose will mean he will fall into their hands like I did once, I blew and that gave them the ammunition they needed to get rid of me. I hope he does not do this, he will regret it and they hold it up with pride to the masses as the evidence that they are right about you, no one see what was happening to you just you final behaviour. I wonder if they climax with elation at the success of breaking this much and being able to hold your failure to the world.

I am going to research a name for these vultures, I want to name them as lots of us have them in our lives and giving them a name I feel makes them not so strong.